Things Your Burglar Won’t Tell You:
1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.
2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.
3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste … and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.
4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.
5. If it snows while you’re out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway..
6. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It’s not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.
7. I always knock first.. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don’t take me up on it.)
8. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.
9. Helpful hint: I almost never go into kids’ rooms.
10. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alar m system. If you’re reluctant to leave your TV on while you’re out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com.)
11. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.
12. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It’s easier than you think to look up your address.
13. If you don’t answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.
Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs crimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.
This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Berleen’s demon spawns (teenagers), the color of snowflakes, and the number 7200.
They are 15 and 13… that is your warning.
And thanks to Bud for reminding us that it was time.
1. Why are computer mouses called mouses?
I’ve heard this story before. Something about it reminding the inventor of a mouse (Jobs?)
2. If a guy has no money and he goes into a bar does he get kicked out?
Ask Ron White- Skeeter
3. Why does Taryn hate rat terrier puppies?
Who the heck is Taryn?
4. Why do polar bears not moo?
You guys shoulda hit Anni up again.
5. Why do people let doves fly at their weddings?
Not my wedding.
6. Why are no two snowflakes alike?
How do you know they aren’t?
7. Why do people want things that don’t work? (ads in newspapers – like junk batteries wanted)
8. Why do we have to wear shoes at school?
“We” don’t go to school
9. Why do people wear socks with sandals?
It’s a law if you own Birkenstocks dummy.
10. Why do we always want bear hugs?
Who the “we”?
11. Why do dogs lick people’s toes? And why do they like to lick lotion?
at last…we are making sense here…no kidding…why do they/
12. Why do people get this little thing pierced – as she points to the little thing on her ear.
To piss off their moms
13. Why do dogs like to eat out of litterboxes?
ask one yourself.
14. Have you ever eaten a sandwhich that had really weird things in it?
What’s a sandwhich?
15. Why isn’t snow purple?
Because the atmosphere isn’t radioactive
16. When the earth was made why was the sky made blue?
Dude…I like ya but really……it’s not really blue…..it just looks that way because of space and everything between us and it.
17. Why do cats like laser lights?
Probably to avoid silly memes
18. When someone invented Santa Clause, why did they make him fat?
It’s conspiracy made by Nixon and Weight Watchers
19. What do you think Santa does when he’s not making toys?
Shoots crap in Vegas or drives a bus in Hawaii
20. Why is it that suddenly I don’t care anymore?
Because this is a long one dear
21. Why are the healthiest things for you most expensive?
Water isn’t, air isn’t, walking isn’t, avoiding memes on a daily basis isn’t